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So as usual, I was minding my own business this warm sunny Saturday afternoon, (wink, wink), when I get a call from a good girlfriend of mine. Let’s just say her name is Skye, because I don’t want to get blocked on social media, LOL, but seriously. Well Skye has an interesting, yet hardly unique relationship situation.

She and her husband are back together and from the looks of things are going full throttle in this newly rekindled romance. Whoo Hoo!!! (Let’s do this, baybee) But there’s a dilemma. A problem, if U get my drift. Yes, the break relationship.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, let me tell you something. If the child is under five, the ex is pregnant, or he’s married and newly separated, please head for the freakin hills. News flash: HE AINT THROUGH. And what this means for U is heartache and lots and lots of trouble.

U know I get into these conversations all the time about how doggish men are, but in reality, we women create the dog in them to a certain degree. Instead of making them accountable, by not being desperate, and doing our due diligence. Which consist of things like: asking questions, spending plenty of quality time, (hours upon hours) before sex, and holding him accountable for his actions just to name a few, goes far in wading through the bull shit.

Now before I go deeper, I gotta say, that I’m talking to the lady in the mirror, because I’ve lived a full life, (feel me). I just believe that in life all of us, men & women, have to get to the point where, we gotta choose our self.  Not the feeling, not the presence of another, but our self. So, if we as women choose our self then we will think differently about who we allow to enter our atmosphere.

We will make certain that we got our karmic hat on when a potential suitor approaches us and go deeper than, “whelp, she f’d up, he mine now”. We’d stop and think, “his ex is six months pregnant. I better fall back and see where this goes.” Or, “what kind of guy is he, to leave his six month pregnant girlfriend?” Because as of one of my dear friends always says, “actions speaks louder than words.”

So Imma just be blunt, the one that’s going kray kray. Driving be my friends house and leaving messages on her husbands windshield while he’s at work. LMAO, (I cannot make this ish up), she did this to herself. She played herself, when she should have had enough self worth inside herself to know that she needed to fall back and not give him an opportunity to do the same thing to her.

Please, don’t take this the wrong way, in no way am I male bashing. My girlfriend’s husband is a great guy, but sometimes things happen and from what I’ve seen to be true most men just head to the next. They ain’t got time for reflection. They hunt. They need to feed. So, we as women gotta use our intuition and know that they just trying to work a few things out and all he’s willing looking for is a shoulder to cry on.

He gonna get rite back to her. He just need a minute. So, if we step in and start trying to build in another woman’s space, it’s bound to be fail.  Hence, if we women wouldn’t allow the action, men couldn’t commit the crime.

Yall, I’m a praying woman, so I’m about to put the blood of Jesus on my friend’s marriage, I want these two to succeed. And to Lil Miss Break, don’t be mad, he wasn’t urs to be had. Go read a self help book, play with your children, spend time getting to know URself and pray. God got a husband for you too…

 

 

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Most recently I have been involved in numerous conversations where the topic involved sex. Someone having fantasy sex. Someone having mediocre sex. Someone having no sex. The women involved in these discussions were from all different levels of physical intimacy. One was involved in a few budding friendships, one a brewing courtship, and another in a married romantic relationship.

These women were all experiencing sexual gratification in different ways. As I being the one on the outside looking in and also having privy to their most coveted sexual details, I have concluded that not one of the ladies was experiencing the real thang.

Each of the ladies, whose name’s will be changed for the sake of my safety, were settling for a sliver of the slice, instead of cutting the biggest piece of the pie and serving it to themselves.

Skye, celibate and single for the last three years, was fancied by several of her male friends. She had constant fantasies of feeling the comfort of a man, however she settled for the packing of the imitation penis. Our conversations were comical because at times she spoke of her “toy”, as if it was human. I secretly had begun to question her sanity!!

Tiffney, divorced for five years, had recently began dating men from online dating sites. Al though she had been catfished a few times,  she hung in there and had finally came across a guy who appeared to be the real deal. His stories checked out, he kept their scheduled dates, and his intentions seemed admirable. The fire between the two of them was getting uncontainable, but she wasn’t ready to consummate their relationship just yet. She instead chose to fantasize about the idea of the two of them reaching higher levels as one.

Bethany, married with two children, had walked down the aisle and said I do, when in fact she knew she was still in love with another man. She had conditioned her mind to replace her spouse’s face with the face of her one true love each and every time her husband touched her.

All three friends of mine are depriving their selves of the real thang; true lovemaking which inhabits mind, body, and soul. If a woman ever has the opportunity to experience the real thang, she would never short change herself again. Sexual energy produces happiness. And pursuing happiness is something everyone aspires to. Please forgive my digress. I’ll save that thought for another post.

After a smile breather, my mind settled on a meme I ran across a while back. It says….

Great sex is fantastic

Great sex with real love is insane

Insanity. We all experience some form of this at one time or another in our lives, but think about the amount of pleasure we could really have if we were head over heals with a wonderful man and he was 80%  as in love as we were, AND we made love. OUT OF THIS WORLD…INSANE!!

So getting back to my initial question: Dildo, Fantasy, or The Real Thang?

 

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I recently celebrated my 43rd birthday. The whole weekend played out well. My girlfriends and I spent time away from our homes and daily duties celebrating me and the journey that I’ve made thus far. I still smile and get warm recalling how blessed I was to spend the entire weekend doing exactly what I had envisioned, with woman who are very dear to me.

When God created Adam, He saw that Adam was lonely and he could use a helpmate. This same philosophy can be applied for ALPHA woman. That weekend I truly came to realize what being a friend is all about. Showing Up. Giving Up. Gracing Up. Family love is good. But when you have a couple of ladies, who aren’t blood related to you & they still love you through your s**t? Priceless.

The word sisterhood should never be taken lightly, but it was something I always did. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to know it’s a term that’s like wine and needs time to prime. As wines are stored in cellars, women take a leap into sisterhood. The two began a long span through the acid before they are primed for enjoyment and every ALPHA woman knows that all things get better with time.

Self love. Leaving bad relationships. Developing cool hands with money. My sisterhood helped me with all that. Each of my sisters has challenged me in a way that has helped to make a better me. I thank God for you ladies…

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All through my day to day activities I encounter people who are still doing things the same way. No change or even a remote attempt at change.  This got me to wondering, why am I so eager for a change in me?

Maya Angelou once said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” This is such a prolific statement. Knowing some other way that is better than the way we’re accustomed to should at least make us want to try it, right?

 

Everyone is not the same, but knowing and understanding who you are is a part of self-love.  At the bare minimum, everyone does that (wink wink).  Not pointing fingers, this post is about me as much as someone else, so I am the preacher and the choir. And because it’s for me, I should say that I’m looking for change and growth in myself.  I intend to define myself for myself.

 

Perfect progress is slow and steady. For me to become who I envision myself to be, I gotta take baby steps. I’m also a little antsy, so I need as small amount of steps as possible. With that in mind, I’ve come up with six steps to help me begin to define myself for myself.

Spirituality

For me, without God, I am nothing.  In 2016 I found that I got away from daily bible reading and quite honestly my life suffered in many ways. My belief, is that my identity begins and ends in Christ, without him my definition would be incomplete.

 

Discovering Me

 Who am I? What do I really want in life? Why do I like Keyshia Cole better than Jill Scott?  Why don’t I care for bootleg movies, even though I’m frugal? Knowing why I am who I am will help me reach the next level in my self-improvement.

 

Telling myself the truth

Being honest about myself is the only way for me to make real changes. I gotta get down in the crevices of my psyche to understand why I always say I want to save money, but desire and buy three or four Coach bags a year! Going deep with myself will expose my rawness and also help me deal with my inner issues, so I can be a better me.

Knowing and Understanding Where I come from

I am African American woman and just being this race and gender can create hurdles in how I am perceived and accepted. I must take the time to read and learn about my ancestors, to know where I come from. Everyone should do this no matter what race and gender that you are. Learning of your origin can create deep pride in your being and also let you know you can change and be whoever you want to be.

Make List

Let’s face it, day to day life is fast and hectic, and I find myself making list about everything, so why not make a list about changes I want to make for the betterment of me?  What hobbies have I not tried yet?  I can create a bucket list and scratch one item off at a time. What I know for sure is that most of the things I want to be and do are in reach. I just gotta make the time and be willing to go for it!

Purpose

What am I here for? How can I be of service to others? Defining myself opens me up to so many different avenues that will give me the courage to step into my true calling.  Gaining clarity in my life will position me to develop purpose.  

As with all things, this list is a work in progress, but it’s a great place for me to start.  With practice, perseverance, and my lists (hehehee), I’ll be closer to my definition of me in no time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      

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As we’re nearing the end of the year, a lot of us are beginning to take stock of our lives, how to live our best life, and how to not make the same mistakes over again. I know with me I’ve found that a new flame has started under my financial literacy and what I realize for me is that I’ve nowhere near obtained enough knowledge to claim any altitude whatsoever in finances. This week has been all about me learning how to grow my money and living my best life with it.

So, my quest for financial savviness and all that it entails got me to thinking what top five things would I want my two daughters Brittney and Mia Joyce to know. Often as parents we believe we are teaching our children how to be, but in fact children do as we do and not as we say!! Approaching 2017 is exciting and scary with hopes for newness and the unchartered territory this country is headed in, being able to stay rooted and on purpose is essential to success for all of us in the coming year.

2017 has been labeled the year of many things. Pantene has named it the year of green. The Chinese call it the year of the Rooster.  Some say 2017 is all about equality, love, and hope. My thought is that all these things are true, but that the essence of 2017 is all about you. Making something all about ourselves is bold, selfish, and dare I say sexy.  But how does one make it about their self?  How do you make it about YOU? Easy. Growing into your best you makes it about you.

Starting a new year has me pumped. My creative juices are bubbling, my quest for fat pockets is mind boggling, and my desire for Brittney & MiaJoyce to learn from my mistakes is strong.  With that being said here’s my top five to a better you in 2017.

 

  1. Go Deeper

If I could turn back time I would definitely tell myself to spend more time connecting with a higher power. To each person, the name is different, but for me his name is Jesus.  Spending time developing a direct connection to a higher power evokes gratitude, perseverance, and love. Three things every person needs to live their best life.

  1. Spend time alone

When I was younger I hated being by myself. That always felt like punishment. As I’ve gotten older I have come to find that there is power in solitude. Spending time alone with yourself is an act of self-love. How else are we to get down to what we really want for our life?

  1. Pay yourself

Another great act of self love. Paying yourself after you pay your tithes tells your inner self that you matter. Your future is important and no bill or expenditure has a greater significance to you than you.

  1. Love Yourself

Tried and true we will never be our best self without this. Loving yourself can ripple positively in your life. With self-love we gain more pleasure from our relationships, we fall prey to less destructive situations, and we  find our purpose in life quicker.

  1. Set Goals and Work EM

Any person worth their weight in gold should have a goal. Goals make life exciting and rewarding. With goals we have something to look forward to. Any positive activity or energy we participate in contributes to our total wellbeing. Goals are where it’s at.

I could go on and on, but I’ll save my ramblings for future post. Here’s to Brittney, MiaJoyce, and every young girl or women navigating through life. It truly is what we make it.

 

 

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